Poem: You Look Cute

My sister really struggled with her physical appearance.  When she was healthy, she was a gorgeous little thing (maybe I’m biased but she was very pretty).  Lupus took its toll on her, but when she received a kidney transplant her senior year of high school, she seemed to bounce back overnight.  She became popular within two seconds and was living it up.  She was just so darn cute, dressed in Abercrombie and Hollister (all very very cool back in the day).

Then, she lost the kidney.

Physically, she slowly deteriorated.  She started to look sick…this got worse and worse as more health problems manifested themselves over time, and she had a really tough time accepting that or seeing past it.  She would still buy all these cute outfits that no longer fit her body…  They just waited, hanging in her closet, for the day she would be healthy again.  These past two years, though, she had really given up.  She couldn’t see past the sick to the beautiful girl that she still was.  So, when I’d go home to visit, I would make her get out of her PJs and put on make-up to go out.  I tried to treat her like a normal sister…meaning if my mom helped do her hair and it made her look like a five-year old…I said it looked stupid and fixed it.  I wanted her so badly to feel pretty, again, to feel special…to feel normal, even if for five seconds.  It was hard, though.  Sometimes, I wished I could make myself look worse…so that she would feel better.  I think towards the end, she was starting to see herself differently.  At Christmas, she asked me to help her with her make-up (usually, I had to drag her into the bathroom).  I got hopeful that she was starting to see through the sick…

That’s a long-winded explanation for this short poem…

You Look Cute