No Relief

Today, there is no relief from missing her.

It’s a constant ache in my chest.  A constant thought swirling around my brain: I miss her.

I’ve realized that Fridays are starting to be difficult for me.  I’m so tired from the work week that I can’t stave off the emotions – whatever they may be.  Guilt.  Anger.  Sadness.

They’re always there.  These emotions.  Just like a predator, silently lurking in the shadows…waiting for the opportune moment to pounce on me.  A moment of vulnerability, weakness.  Even if there’s just the tiniest chink in my armor, they can sense it.  And then, I’m pretty frickin’ easy prey.  I will crumble to the ground as they eat me whole or torn in pieces.

So, today, when I’m borderline exhausted…just one wrong step (literally – even stubbing my toe would do it at this point), wrong word, wrong anything…and they’re going to pounce.

4 thoughts on “No Relief

  1. I’m having one of those emotional Fridays myself. I leave a week from today to fly across the country to visit my grandpa and say good-bye…forever. I’ve never lost anyone close to me. I feel completely unprepared. Part of me doesn’t want to go. I’d like to leave my memories as they are…not override them with pain, frailty, seizures and cancer. This is my hero after all.

    • 🙁 UGH! There’s no good advice to give…it’s your own unique journey (it’s so stupidly, horribly cliche). But, I do think you’re doing the best thing – going to see him… It’s going to be rough – no way around that but I think you’ll really be glad you did this and I’m sure your grandpa will be so happy. I will send oodles of love your way next week. Oodles.

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