I don’t believe in much in the way of religion and spiritualism. I like the idea of it sometimes….I wish I had faith sometimes. But, in the end, I think it’s more of a want to believe than an actual belief.
But then there are times when my lack of belief is called into question. Times like a couple of days ago.
I’ve obviously been struggling with putting my dog to sleep… and the night of my last blog, I just hated myself. It’s the closest thing I’ve had to an “out of body” experience – going through the motions of doing this, of putting him down, when deep down some little voice was yelling at me not to, not yet. But, the little voice was little and, well, now it’s much larger, much louder…and I’ve realized that I was doing what was “right” for everyone other than myself. I was being the “strong” one – the tough decision was somehow put on me and I did what I was expected to do and said what I was expected to say. But the truth is that I wasn’t ready. So, yeah…been struggling…
But then, I received a message from one of my sister’s closest friends…here’s a shortened version:
I reached out to a medium today, well it’s been planned for a couple months, hoping to connect with one of my relatives…but I had to share with you the very first thing she said.
She said that she saw a dog that just passed away. Smaller but not as small as a chihuahua. Lighter in color, not black. Not a dog from 20 years ago but one who has passed recently. He popped through to say he made it to the other side and: “They’re together”.
When I read this, I broke down. I don’t have strong beliefs in anything…but the pressure on my chest became a little lighter. The idea that they are together now, that it is okay…helps.