Moments

There are these moments.

Random moments.  They’re not consistent in how, when, or why they happen.  Whether they’re set off by a good memory, a bad memory, or anything at all.

But they are consistent.  Because no matter what caused them, they lead to the same indescribable feeling.  A pinch of utter despair?  An ounce of heart-wrenching sadness?

It’s the feeling that goes along with one realization that to function, I push away.  That I’ve tried to bury deep down in some dark cave in my soul.  No matter how hard I try, though, sometimes the damn thing finds its way to the light.  And for a brief moment, I face this reality, I cry, and then, I push it away.

I will never talk to her, again.

That’s it.  Just that.  That realization…is something that my brain, my heart – just doesn’t understand.  Even after almost two years.

I know she’s gone.  I know it.  But, I just don’t get it.

I don’t think I ever will.

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