There are these moments.
Random moments. They’re not consistent in how, when, or why they happen. Whether they’re set off by a good memory, a bad memory, or anything at all.
But they are consistent. Because no matter what caused them, they lead to the same indescribable feeling. A pinch of utter despair? An ounce of heart-wrenching sadness?
It’s the feeling that goes along with one realization that to function, I push away. That I’ve tried to bury deep down in some dark cave in my soul. No matter how hard I try, though, sometimes the damn thing finds its way to the light. And for a brief moment, I face this reality, I cry, and then, I push it away.
I will never talk to her, again.
That’s it. Just that. That realization…is something that my brain, my heart – just doesn’t understand. Even after almost two years.
I know she’s gone. I know it. But, I just don’t get it.
I don’t think I ever will.